Why do I sometimes feel ashamed of the stuff I like to read and write about? Is that shame trying to tell me something useful or is it keeping me from contributing valuable ideas to the world?
Productivity Pornographer or Philosopher?
On the useful side of things, it’s definitely keeping me from participating in the “productivity porn” and “hustle porn” racket. There are definitely parts of my personality that are drawn to those topics in a way that I know isn’t helpful or healthy. I know that writing about productivity for the sake of productivity is not anything the world needs more of. There are too many people already hawking suspect productivity advice that papers over problematic views about the world and the role of work in our lives. I mean, I like reading and writing a good productivity hack as much as the next middle-aged white knowledge worker guy but that’s not exactly elevating the discourse about meaningful work. I like candy bars too but I’m not about to eat a candy bar only diet.
Speaking of elevating the discourse, I think that’s the other vector into my shame about what I feel drawn to write about. There are some folks who take an incredibly philosophical point of view and tone in writing about work and personal development that I find both admirable and completely unattainable with my writing and thinking ability. In my darker moments I look at someone writing and thinking at such a high level about this stuff that I feel like I shouldn't add anything if I can’t operate at that level.
Considering I just articulated two ends of the same continuum, there’s obviously a lot of white space in the middle where I could probably feel pretty comfortable exploring. I know I’m not going to write absolute drivel about 10 productivity hacks to supercharge your productive productivity (even if I sneak a quick look at those articles from time to time...) and I’m not capable of writing a far-reaching philosophical treatise on the nature of work and the human condition. That doesn't mean those are my only two options, though.
Charting My Place in the Middle of the Continuum
To stay away from the drivel end of the continuum, I think it helps to articulate that I specifically ascribe to a definition of productivity that’s broader than simply the amount of work you’re able to get done. It’s much more about overall meaningful engagement with the world — work or otherwise. It’s about feeling like an active agent in the world rather than a passive object. Anything from “tips and tricks” to life philosophies that help you feel more engaged with the world falls into the realm of productivity to me.
And on the other end of the continuum I don’t think it’s particularly helpful to keep the discourse around meaningful engagement with the world at the level that only philosophy professors can engage with. To the extent that I can use my experience in the academic world to bring those concepts and ideas down to a level that’s more digestible to the average person then I am providing a useful service. I’ve been out of the academic world long enough to know that what often passes as good writing in academia is utterly impenetrable to even very bright people and that making ideas accessible can be incredibly valuable.
As a reminder to myself and a public stake in the ground, these are the areas where I have something to contribute and I should be pushing myself to publish as much as possible on:
Everything I’ve been thinking about with reformed workism and deliberate attention
Everything I’ve learned about the reality of being an employee in an organization — legacy, self-managing, small, large, or otherwise
The intersection of organization design and the individual experience of work
The connection between using tools and software to make yourself a more effective agent in the world
The remnants of my academic training in positive psychology and how it applies to individuals and organizations
My own personal experiments/experiences with how I’m applying these concepts to my own life
Shame is the ultimate in unhelpful emotions when it comes to trying to make a positive impact on the world or do anything that remotely opens you up to potential rejection or judgment. For a long time I don’t think I really understood that a lot of my creative blockage was being caused by the shame I felt in either contributing to the anti-intellectual and unhelpful productivity hack genre or being unable to elevate my thinking and writing to the almost equally unhelpful “productivity philosopher” level. Now, I think I’m finally starting to realize that my advantage and gift is being able to explore much more of the continuum while staying away from either extreme end.
Shame and Comparison
In an effort to make this a little bit more generalizable and less navel-gazey, I have to imagine that this dynamic I just walked myself through is something that other folks experience, too. At its heart it’s a problem of comparison. The transparency of the internet has given us a much wider pool of people to compare ourselves to and believe it or not, there’s a lot of incredible people out there in the world. The most useful advice I’ve heard about this dynamic is that it’s profoundly unhelpful to compare your backstage to other people’s front stage. Meaning, you only have access to the polished final project that people project into the world (no messiness to be found anywhere!) whereas you're intimately familiar with all the personal discord that accompanies everything that you produce.
That’s why I love seeing “behind the scenes” content from the creators I really like. Show me your process. Help me understand that you don’t just crank out stuff that I adore with never ending productivity and effortless grace. Show me your struggle so that mine feels a little bit more normal.
Finally, the other piece of advice that I read somewhere a long time ago that sometimes soothes me in moments of uncertainty is that even if it seems like someone has already done what you’re trying to do, they haven’t done it in your voice. The writers and creators I follow most closely are not constantly sharing brand new ideas. Many of them cover well-trodden ground. However, it’s their voices and personalities that keep me coming back and interested in what they’re doing. That can be a difficult generosity to extend to ourselves but when I’m able to do so the quiet, doubting voice in my head is placated and I can actually focus on doing what I want to do.
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