Check-In Round
“What was your first job?”
In 2nd grade my friend and I had two short-lived businesses. The first, my dad taught me how to draw a cartoon penguin so we created a “how to draw cartoons” book, stapled together some copies, and sold them to our classmates. We also got my mom to supply us with candy which we then sold to our classmates and my younger brothers.
As far as jobby-jobs go, though, I started working at Target as a cashier/cart wrangler and as a deck refinisher at basically the same time in high school. Deck refinishing was far and away the better job, although I started to learn about flow during the mundanity of the cart collection job. I used to love figuring out the most efficient way to get all the carts into the store.
Making a "Good" List
One of my favorite things to pay deliberate attention to is my own brain. One of the things I’ve noticed about myself is that I seem to go through cycles of feeling particularly good about myself and what I’m doing followed by cycles of feeling particularly lethargic and crummy. Part of me thinks these cycles are more or less inevitable, but I’m also always looking for ways to make the high times last longer and the low times bottom out quicker. To that end, I’ve been trying to take time to stop and notice when I’m feeling particularly good and then capturing in a simple list the things that I’m doing or not doing. My hope is that I can return to this list when I’m feeling down and see if I can perhaps jolt myself out of a trough and back onto an upward trajectory.
In the interest of transparency (and maybe inspiration?), here’s my list from a few days ago:
I’m not holding myself to an unreasonable expectation of waking up extremely early
I’m spending less time lounging around, drinking coffee, and reading in the morning (less than an hour, generally)
I’m using my calendar to basically “hyper schedule” my day
I’m making a deliberate effort to eat fewer meals out (with lots of room for improvement)
I’m trying to stay as focused as possible on client work Monday through Thursday and am pushing all of my internal work for The Ready to Friday
I’m back to weighing myself consistently
I’m tracking my sleep
I’m trying to take the concept of “limit work in progress” more seriously in basically everything I’m doing
I have a couple side projects going that I care about (The Deliberate and a yet unreleased podcast with my brother)
I’m doing a couple Office Hour sessions per week
The next time you’re feeling particularly good about yourself/life you should give this exercise a try, too.
What Has My Attention
To pay attention is to live
“Well, the loon pays attention to what concerns him and you are to do the same, for attention is of the essence of our powers; it is that which draws other things toward us, it is that which, if we have lived with it, brings the experiences of our lives ready to our hand. If things but make impression enough on you, you will not forget them; and thus, as you go through life, your store of experiences becomes greater, richer, more and more available. But to this end you must cultivate attention — the art of seeing, the art of listening. You needn’t trouble about memory, that will take care of itself; but you must learn to live in the true sense. To pay attention is to live, and to live is to pay attention; and, bear in mind most of all, that your spiritual nature is but a higher faculty of seeing and listening — a finer, nobler way of paying attention. Thus must you learn to live in the fullest sense.”
Novelist Mark Haddon Quit Twitter. Not Because It’s Terrible, But Because It Prevents Him From Being Great
I’ve quietly “quit Twitter” as well over the past few weeks but the notable thing about this article is that Mark Haddon uses precisely the same metaphor I’ve been using in conversations with folks about why I felt the urge to step away. In his words, “I am taking a long break because every tweet had begun to feel like a peep of steam through my whistle — Listen to me! Listen to me! — which reduced the boiler pressure I needed to write another novel.”
In mine, Twitter started to feel like a place where I could blow off creative steam without actually having created anything I was particularly proud of. Now, I let that pressure build until it comes out somewhere with a little more room to breathe... like this newsletter or an article.
Attention is the beginning of devotion
I keep reading things that make me believe I need to read Mary Oliver. Here’s another article to add to the list. “Attention is the beginning of devotion. The idea exhilarates, but it also saddens. If the attention of humans can be so easily filched by a machine—or, more precisely, the companies that operate those machines—then it follows that the capacity for devotion is damaged along the way. Any parent who has felt the twinge of shame that comes with the belated realization that a social-media feed has taken them away from a conversation with their child knows this to be true.”
Closing Round
Eating: Brother and sister-in-law came to visit so we had to take them to Founding Farmers, obviously.
Working: Vacillating on whether I want to keep my dedicated WeWork space or if I should just lean into the simplicity of working from home when I’m not with a client.
Listening: I was skeptical when I found out Tycho’s forthcoming album will feature vocals. That concern has been slightly assuaged by the fact I’ve had Pink & Blue on repeat for the better part of two weeks.
Drinking: I have a seltzer problem. Emily and I don’t let ourselves buy it with every grocery trip but when we do we go nuts on it. Pair it with working from home and HOO BOY. **burp**
Reading: Have read a series of books that are all of a similar theme that have left me mostly dispirited but with a hint of optimism: Utopia for Realists, Betterness, and Winners Take All.
Playing: Overwatch has its tendrils deep inside my brain nowadays. Have started playing some Competitive ranked matches in the past few weeks and have been marveling about how different the game can be when rankings and points are involved.
Moving: Not enough. But realized I was trying to run in pretty dilapidated shoes. Got some new Sauconys and trying to hit the pavement more frequently now.
Writing: Mostly by hand with an Apple Pencil in GoodNotes while sitting on the porch at night, it seems like.
Yours in intentionality,
Sam